I found this in my drafts, i never published it. better late than never!
Sitting with my sis in Dallas a week after Ike and other life changing news and I'm so grateful for my life. Madison my beautiful 6 mo. old niece is playing on the floor in her little antique laced cream onesie making sweet baby coos and attempting to crawl or walk. I have high expectations with her walking even though she's 6 months old, she's brilliant really.
mommy & maddie joy
Carson, (2 almost 3yr old nephew) passed out from a pancake sugar high and I'm content with my family.
There's an age old saying that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"... but what if you're your own beholder? I think sometimes when we look at ourselves in a mirror we see things that maybe we didn't ever think was wrong until we compare. comparison kills joy.
I know that I've struggled to see my bodily differences as being beautiful and unique but instead I see them as uniquely flawed. I look in the mirror and compare my flaws as failures to the successes of the "beautiful people" in media or in my own personal circle. I find that when my inner self is strong and I keep God's perspective of His creation (me) as my focus, the weight of my flaws slip away until the dark pit where it belongs.
My good friend caitlincrosby has spent years fighting against the media's skewed eyed view of beauty; so much so she made her debut album all about loving your flawz. It is full of talent, fight, love of people and true beauty. Go get your copy of FLAWZHERE. I love, love love it!
We're all created different, beautiful in our on unique way. I think when we can embrace our specific and wonderful differences we will find freedom. I love the lyrics from Caitlin's song Freedom.
No, don't put me in a box.
I'm not just like a puzzle piece
I might not fit, I will not bend
No, I'm not the color red
I'm not the girl next door
I clinch my fists, I might stay home instead
Sick and tired of making faces
Nothing more than second places
I'm coming 'round the bend
But I am crawling slowly
When everyone around is rising
Raise your glass to compromising
Tell me now is this what we call freedom
This is freedom, this is freedom
So give me freedom
Give me freedom
Oh freedom, how i love thee.
More love from Caitlin. She has started a site called http://www.loveyourflawz.com/ where you can post yourself in a pic holding a sign saying how you love your freckles, gray hair, or even your cellulite! Its about embracing you for you. Go celebrate you and post a pic!
Lastly, Caitlin's song "Imperfect is the New Perfect" is so true and relevant, we need to hold on to that and make it our mantra. Here is a glimpse of its awesomeness...
Just dry your eyes, you're beautiful
I understand, it's logical
'Cause these images are everywhere
They're make believe, so don't compare
I will not compare
We're every shape and size
You know we're just perfect, just perfect
We love our hips, our thighs
Because they're just perfect, just perfect
I don't fit the mold, I am real
I'm too colorful to conceal
Imperfect is the new perfect
Imperfect is the new perfect
The line "They're make believe so don't compare" makes be want to put this video on our mental stereo and press repeat. Take a look below what I'm talking about...
Wow! Can you even believe!? Gotta love the exposure of truth...things are not what they seem to be.
Its time for us to enhance what we have been given, not destroy it with our mental torture and media driven disillusions. Embrace what we have, give it a beautiful name, You.
Concern your heart with what matters, the inner you. Because when you beautify your inner self your countenance will radiate brighter than any outer thing good or bad you might possess.
Do what ever you can to break free, get healed, be whole...fight for it, its worth it! I'm on the journey with you, better yet God is, you're never alone.
Okay I'm sitting in a basic yet innovated space known as bird rock coffee roasters. (which happens to be one of my favorite coffee house of all time, chuck is the man!) It has huge glass garage style doors that roll back to open shop, and allows the ocean breeze to come in and mix with the yummy smells of freshly roasted coffee. Amazing. I'm sipping on an enormous yet delicious organic cappuccino and I received this email from a friend. While reading it, my first reaction was to smile, laugh and look over my shoulder to see if i was being watched, which i wasn't. Moving on i began to read over the familiar song with different lyrics. I chuckle, a little out loud, a little on the inside. I thought if these people could read my mind they would realize what a big cheese ball I am. I don't know why a thing of this dorkish nature would make my heart happy but they do.
Now its your turn to gauge for yourself the level of brilliance that went into this diddy, but to give you a heads up to what you are in for, here you go...
Enjoy!
Ike Ike Baby, Ike Ike Baby
All right stop, evacuate and listen
Ike is here with some big ambition
People, close your homes up tightly
It's blowing like a hurricane daily and nightly
Where will it stop? Yo-I don' t know
Turn off the light s and let's go
To the coast line Ike rocks like a vandal
Start up the car and watch me drive like an animal
Dang, hardware store sales boom
Ike's killing my plans like a poiso nous mushr oom
Deadly, evacuate they tell me
Anyone left will becharged with a felony
Love it or hate it, you better get away
Ike will hit the bull' s eye, the storm don' t play
If you're on vacation, Yo, Ike stalled it
Check out the eye while the bands revolve it
Hurricane Ike Ike Baby, Hurricane Ike Ike Baby
Hurricane Ike Ike Baby, Hurricane Ike Ike Baby
Now that the people are jumpin'
With their stuff packe d up and the gas done pumpin'
Quick to the road, to the road no fakin '
Pass McD's get a burger with bacon
Burnin' 'em and follow the symbol
I go crazy when I hear some imbecile
Revving, in a souped up Pinto
Now I can roll, it's time to crack the window
Rollin' in my Chevy Tahoe
With my window down, I can feel Ike blow
My laptop's on stand by, Waiting for some Wi- fi
This spot hot? No – and I gotta fly
Kept on pursuing to the next block
I busted a left and I'm beating the clock
The light was red
Yo -- so I continued to I-37 to San Antonio
Wish I was there in a blink like a jeanie
How I'd love to be sippi n' a martini
Jealous ' cause my girl' s living fine <> She left yesterday and was there by nine
Ready to give my homies a call
My homies acting ill because their car just stalled
Humidity, the air is sticky as hell
Ike's on his way, the weatherman yells
Moving toward the gulf coast real fast
I'm in my car, can't give it no gas
Bumper to bumper the interstate 's packed
I'm trying to get away before Ike attacks
Police on the scene , what can it mean?
They hooked me up, now there 's another lane free
If you're on vacation, Yo, Ike stall ed it
Check out the eye while the bands revolve it
Hurricane Ike Ike Baby, Hurricane Ike Ike Baby
Hurricane Ike Ike Baby, Hurricane Ike Ike Baby
Yo man, let' s get out of here! Word to your mother!
I've come to the realization that I have some quirks in my 28 years of living. let us begin... 1. I like michael bolton. (the musician not the actor, stop judging me)
2. Can't stand personalize license plates. (My bff has one, so obviously you can still be my friend, i just won't date you.) 3. Guys with jewelry... eww. (watch and wedding ring excluded) 4. I don't like chocolate, yes i still am a girl. 5. Pickles & BBQ sauce or popcorn & bbq sauce & mustard (don't knock it till you try it) 6. When eating out... modifications are what i live for, or at least everything on the side. 7. I like dad figures. i like guys who aren't too fit or skinny. think vince vaughn.
Hey I'm not the only one. Here's a few of my friends quirks, i'm leaving out their names to protect the innocent.
loves minivans over suburbans
loves guys in speedos
loves guys in nerd glasses
loves to vacuum
loves any teeny bopper show (its a quirk when you're over 35 and a male ;)
I was on facebook...(surprise surprise) and I was chatting with my best friend Kathy.
Kathy Mary Kelley, i.e.pure virgin warrior.
We started talking about our life and how nothing new is happening, wondering where life is headed for us, & where we are all going.
I'm like "Kathy, why is life so weird (also defined as strange)? She responds with, "why is it so hard to rest in the things already given us". I responded, "I know , I know"...wait for it wait for it... "I KNOW". By the third I know I actually began to know. By know I mean that i finally understood what kathy was saying. God has not only blessed us with so many amazing things, but he also has already given us everything we need for now and for things to come. Yet I still find myself finding it weird.
Problem was I did't have the right perspective. I'm hello, I survived Ike, heartache and life with out my credit card for 3 days. I'm still breathing, my heart is semi-broken, and in 3 days my credit card arose, its time to rest. Rest in the fact that God is for me, in me and with me. So even though my ceiling fell in from dumb ike... I'm gonna rest. Even when I'm out of Red Vines... i'm gonna rest. No matter what comes my way...I'm gonna rest.
Ok I'm exhausted from all this resting.
I'm gonna appreciate this journey called life even if things aren't going my way. I'm going to rest in life even if it spins me into insanity. So, all that to say, my world may be weird but at least i have friends like Kathy to make it go round. Weird lives rule. Ask Kathy.
Sitting on a train from LA to San Diego(yep I'm hearing the toot toot now) and my mind is flooded with multiple memories that were made. I actually get to type my thoughts out because the train has an outlet plug-in so my laptop can be charged and therefore stay powered on. [Ok insert moment... flooding down the isle of a moving train is about thirty kids trying to find seats on this packed train. One little kid commented on not having a seat with ...” I want my tax dollars back!” gotta love third graders.] I arrived Sat night 6:22pm to LAX, coming down the escalator I am flooded with so many emotions of passed dreams, memories and love. Knowing with anticipation that I am to be picked up by two of my most favorite LA friends Shalen and Jen P.. Shalen,the most generous hysterically funny quirky guy friend that is able to join our girls only club because having him not around is just not a memory worth making. And Jen, the beautiful inquisitive gem of a friend that challenges everything. On my descent down I have a sense of being home. Maybe it was a moment of realization, maybe one of divine inspiration, or maybe a result from a 6 day cleanse I've been on; never-the-less tears had formed in my eyes. I was home. I get a text Shalen says he's behind me I turn around. Nothing. I begin talking to myself knowing Mr. Hooch AKA shalen is nowhere to be seen. (we like to meet each other at the airport in baggage claim making lots of ruckus.. its what we do.) Finally, the almost recovered pathological liar appears in my view with the loveliest accomplice at his side. WE laugh we hug we unload the gushy love talk. We are happy, we are smiling, we are togetherness. In LA there's only one stop I have to descend upon when arriving to this glorious yet self-centered city. DOUGHBOYS. For example: The Red Velvet Cake, which happens to be the best in the world. This cake has complete substance infused with moisture within ever bite. It's topped with the most wonderfully creamy dreamy cream cheese frosting that melts in your mouth. Yummy. You're mouths are watering I get it, its happens, its good that you are aware. I had a friend visit and had it one evening for dessert and came back the next day to have it for breakfast. We arrive on this blessed happening. We wait, cause when in moments we will have more fun crew arriving to form a greater togetherness. Characters coming into play are a fashianista, Kateigh, who is a far cry from a domestic suburbia dullsville but rather this under the radar trendsetter who embodies pure creative genius and loves so deeply and works insanely. She's the concept designer for Juicy couture. Kind of a big deal but its whatever... so she likes to say. Well, Kateigh was bringing her boyfriend Andy. I was finally going to meet this man, the one that finally caught the eye of my beloved Kateigh who wooed her enough to have her commit her heart. Poor guy lots of pressure, but there is nothing to get your panties in a wad about. I'm totally nice, intimidating by appearance only. I have a mean death glare. I'm digressing. Almost, on time but who's really counting I see the much anticipated couple walking down La Brea. I get up and run to them tackle over 5 ft nothing kateigh and giggle like a school girl. I politely introduce myself to Andy( not wanting to assume anything), he smiles and I immediately cross all boundaries and tell Andy to get in this armpit. He responds with as much enthusiasm as Mariah Carey with another mini. (to those that don't know what I'm talking about he loved the hug or at least acting like he did.) WE all laugh and headed back to the table. For the next 2 ½ hours we were all giggles. Stories were told, memories were made and at the back of my mind I thought does life get any better. I don't think so but then again it has to cause there was a time in meeting this friends that I thought that very same thing. To think this was just the first 5 hours of my 36 hour LA trip. AS time allows I will continue to relay the coming and goings of a Cali girl trapped in Texan body.
Its funny how looking back from last week to now, how one can gain so much perspective. IF you read my blog last Sunday you might have had a "Debbie downer" moment, i apologize, it's just how i roll.
Look how a week can change everything, I'm good way good. I'm hope-filled, and excited of what little adventures are ahead. Some of those adventures include a nice trip to California with some of my favorite people in this whole entire universe. I am stoked. Life give you lemons make lemonade. Life throws a curve ball don't swing, maybe it'll curve right around you. Life throws up in your face, wash your face and reapply makeup/ chapstick. (Sorry to digress.)
Point is...when you're having one of those days where the end looks bleak and void, think of Scarlett in Gone with the Wind and say to yourself... "Tomorrow is another day" Big climax music and curtains close.
